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And now, intrepid explorers...TO INFINITY! AND BEYOND!

Monday, September 27, 2010

THE UNIVERSALLY CORRECT ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION!








THE UNIVERSALLY CORRECT ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION!

-A breakthrough of very limited utility by Douglas Castle

Dear Readers:

We put ourselves through far too much cerebral struggling, frentic recall, creative stalling tactics and simulated laryngitis or other sudden seizure-like "maladies" when we are faced with a question asked of us by a determined interrogator (whether we are hooked up to electrodes by desperate terrorists, being held at gunpoint by a drug-crazed "Bonnie and Clyde" - style couple badly in need of personal hygiene and fashion advice, appearing before a Congressional Subcommittee led by some ruddy-complected old fellow with a gavel and sporting Ted Kennedy glasses on the tip of his nose, or, far worse... being asked a question in front of all of our peers in Mrs. Shenendorf's third-grade class at Shore Road Elementary School).

This need not happen ever again.

You have now heard it from me -- a former landscaper, wedding singer and college professor, that the Universally Correct Answer To Every Question is this:

"IT REALLY DEPENDS..."

In this world of climatic change, cosmic wormholes, multi-tasking (i.e., performing a circumcision while text-messaging your stockbroker, listening to the The Best Of Placido Domingo on your iPod, and balancing on a three-wheeled skateboard), philosophical discord, sensorial overload, subjectivism and confusion, this answer is always technically correct, as it is never fully wrong.

Please try it.

I hope this helps.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

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Douglas Castle
Toll-Free Telephone: 888.317.6498
Facsimile: 914.517.5944
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